Pain of Domestic Violence
Will the pain and hurting stop?
I can't see why my heart doesn't just break and allow death to free me. I lost everything even though I was doing right things. I have lost all ten of my children to state care. I lost my job. I lost my home. And any riches I had. My health is going down hill. I have bipolar, PTSD, OCD and I am autistic. And all this happened in a matter of 21 years and counting. I am living with nothing everyone blames me for my own misfortune. I cried out,"if my misery could be weighted and my troubles be put on the scales they would out weight all the sands of the sea ... Oh,that I might have my request, that God would grand my desire. I wish he would crush me. I wish he would reach out his hand and kill me I don't have the strength to endure. I have nothing to live for. I failed as a friend, girlfriend, lover, mother and at life. I am utterly helpless, without any chance of success.
I want to stop being a victim of domestic violence.
OK ya'll here is the stuff that men have done to me.
. Basie Coercion
. Reproduction Coercion
. Pressure-Release
. Threatening to leave a relationship
. Turn Around
. Blame
. Humiliation
. Isolation
. Intimidation
. Excuse Making
. Redefining
. Success Fantasies
. Lying
. Assuming
. Above the rules
. Making fool of me
. Fragmentation
. Minimizing
. Vagueness
. Anger
. Power Play
. Playing Victim
. Drama & Excitement
. Closed Channel
. Ownership
. Self-glorification
The tricks they played to get back with me to hurt me more.
. The honeymoon Syndrome
. Super parent syndrome
. Revival syndrome
. Sobriety syndrome
. Counseling syndrome
Family life
. I'm a adult child of family Dysfunction
Here is what this stuff has done to me over 32 1/2 years of all of the above that you read.
. Guessing what normal is
. Having difficulty in following a project through to completion
. lie, whan it would be just as easy to tell the truth
. Judge myself without mercy
. Having difficulty having fun
. Take myself very seriously
. having difficulty with relationships
. Over-reacting to changes over which I have no control
. Constantly seeking approval and affirmation
. Extremely loyol even when there is evidence the loyalty is undeserved
. Lack myself into a course of action without giving serious consideration to alternate behaviors or possible consequences
. Seek tension and crisis and then complain about the results
. Avoid conflict or aggravate it; rarely do they deal with it
. Fear rejection and abandonment, yet are rejecting of others
. Fear failure but sabotage their success
. Codependency
. Having difficulty identifying what I'm feeling
. Having difficulty expressing feelings
. Worry about how others may respond to my feelings, opinions, and behavior
. I'm afraid of being hurt and/or rejected by others
. Minimize, alter or deny how I truly feel and feel the same
. I'm afraid to express differing opinions or feelings
. Put other people's needs and desires before my own
. Judge everything I think, say, or do harshly, as never "good enough"
. I'm a perfectionist
. Do not ask others to meet my needs or desires
. Do not perceive myself as lovable and worthwhile
Love & Relationship
. Lack of nurturing and attention when young
. Feeling isolated, detached from parents and family
. Outer facade of "having it all together" to hide internal disintegration
. Mistake intensity for intimacy
. Hidden pain
. Seek to avoid rejection and abandonment at all cost
. Afraid to trust anyone in a relationship
. Inner rage over lack of nurturing, early abandonment
. Depressed
. Sense of worthlessness
Now I see why no man in his right mind would want me with all these problems. So I guess I will stay single and lonely. This is why I'm no good for anyone. I've built a wall around my heart so I will not get hurt anymore it was not to keep anyone out. But to see who loves me enough to clam over it and take me as I'm

I'm here only looking for friendship and clean chat
DO NOT ASK ME TO DOWNLOAD OTHER APPS.